Well. Guess who contacted me on FB? Yeah, it was her. Was I surprised? Kind of. Happy? Yeah. She's still going through some tough times. Stand by.......cooking and trying to type.

Oh well!

You know, I tried, I failed, she appears to be back with her ex boyfriend according to the pics I have seen on her Facebook page. LOL WTF? As much as she said she hated him and how bad he treated her. Beats me why she would go back to him. I suppose the old saying is true. Best of luck to her. I just know she's going to get hurt again. Best of luck with that babe! SEE YA! More later. Maybe.

Nothing has changed...

XXXXX and I have not spoken, email or otherwise since March 18th. My divorce is almost over. Get this, my lawyer called my ex's number and left me a message to get in touch with him. LOL dumbass! Am I over XXXXX? Not completely. I probably will never be over her completely. It's hard just to drop an 18 year love affair even if it is only one sided. Plus all of the things she said to me when I thought things were going my way. I'll have to copy and paste some of the things that she said to me that lead me on. 'Till then, gotta go.

It's over..for the time being.

Here's XXXXX's last email:

March 12 at 1:59pm

Well, even though you usually don't put outright pressure on me, your desire to be with me is so strong that I can FEEL the pressure. And it seems like every move I make, you track it. Would you send daily emails to anyone else that say, "have a good day" and nothing else? It freaked me out that you get audio notifications any time I post something.

And I don't think you really know me. This is not 1993 anymore! I am a totally different person. You're in love with the past, and I was a naive person back then.

Here are my thoughts, whether I'm right or wrong: You need to focus on ANYTHING else but me. You need to get a job. You need to not live with your mother. You need to not take road trips if you're bringing in an income. I have a feeling you're living off of drug money.

Those closest to me have advised I cut you out of my life. Lately you're scaring me, and I think it's just best if we're out of touch for a while.

And so it goes! Stay tuned!

And so it goes

Yeah, it does go. Here's what has been happening since my last post. XXXXX as you know, has been more talkative with me. Excellent! She seems to be getting over her ex more and more everyday! Definitely good! One of our chats on FB she mentioned that she has some time off in March and asked me if I had ever been on a cruise. I have not. She asked me if I would go on a cruise with her! OMG! I almost passed out. DAMN RIGHT I would! Whoa. Those plans changed a few days later. No problem. She forgot that March was going to be a busy month and that other family plans were put ahead of any cruise. Family comes first! A few days later we were chatting about this and that. Here is some info that is paramount to the story but would get me in trouble if I told you so, I'm gonna skip some parts. Basically I was invited up to see her for a certain reason. Plans were made and I was to leave tomorrow. Imagine how I'm feeling right now. I haven't seen XXXXX since what......September? I was soooo excited to get to see her and couldn't wait till I left! Plans changed. Her therapist advised against me coming up to see her. Why? One reason was that her therapist thought didn't want XXXXX to mislead me or lead me on. Would that have happened? Hard to tell. I get the feeling that XXXXX is starting to have feelings for me but is afraid of them. Could I be right? Here's what I think. She asked if I would be interested on going on a cruise with her. That's a good sign! She asked if I would go to a demolition derby with her during the summer! That's a good sign! She has mentioned that she just wants to hang around with me and get drunk and just hang out. What do you think? Am I just reading things that are not there? Knowing how I feel about her I may just be doing that. I don't think so though. I think I may need to back off even further now in order for her to figure out what she wants and can only hope it's me! More later. I'm getting tired.

OMG!

How things have changed since I last posted! XXXXX has been more talkative towards me since my last post. She is still having issues in regards to her ex. Still having a hard time dealing with the breakup. Her idle time is basically consumed with thoughts of him. Idle time. I understand how she feels since during all of my idle time all I do is think about her. She is having an especially hard time with it though. I finally told her that she is co-dependent and she agreed with my synopsis. She needs to move on but it's not as easy as just getting over him. Boy, do I understand that. I do my best to help her through this rough time by telling, suggesting, that she occupy her time by keeping busy. Easier said then done! The weather up there hasn't been conducive to any outside activities, so that is out of the question. OK. Here is what has been happening. A few days ago she asked if I had ever been on a cruise. I have not. She asked me if I would go on a cruise with her! OMG! DAMN RIGHT I would! With no strings or expectations attached! Just being with her would be sooo cool! She mentioned a demolition derby in Lancaster. Yeah, I'd be there! Tonight she actually asked me this:

XXXXX

so when can u come up to visit?

OMG! My answer? ANYTIME! I'm trying not to get my hopes up but it's hard not too. I so very much want to see her and spend time with her. BUT, she could always change her mind. What if she does? I can deal with it! I have to! I'm not looking to have sex with her, although that would be great, but just seeing her and spending time with her and making her happy is all that I could ask for. Just seeing her happy is all that matters to me! Mind you, I LOVE this woman! I have for the past 18 years! OK! I feel better now just knowing that we still remain friends even though she knows I feel differently about her than she does of me. It's ALL good! Stay tuned!

Happy New Year?

More than a month since I last posted. What's new as far as XXXXX? Not much to tell. She has been more talkative on FB with me. I still don't initiate contact first. I see she's online and wait for her to contact me. Most times she does, sometimes she doesn't. It's all good. Although, I have a hard time not starting the conversation first sometimes but I'm still going by her "I'll talk to you when I talk to you" request. Lately she's been asking for guidance on getting over her ex. She's having a hard time dealing with it even after all these months. I do understand. Speaking of getting over. I'm still in love with her. I think I always will be. I feel great helping her out with her problems and only want the best for her. I feel so bad knowing that she is in pain. I just want to be there for her and knowing that I can't just tears me apart inside to no end. BUT, this is what she wants and I can do no more that I'm already doing. She knows exactly how I feel about her. She, unfortunately, doesn't feel the same and I'm dealing with it to the best of my ability. Am I trying to change the way she feels? Not really. Maybe. Not exactly. I think what I'm trying to do is make her realize that I can and will do so much for her. More than all of her past relationships combined. She needs to know what a loving and caring relation can and should be like. I want to be the man that can and will show her what real love can be! She doesn't feel the same. I have to move on. But it's hard. Whew! I feel better. If by chance you, (XXXXX), are reading this, I LOVE YOU! Maybe one day you will love me too! Until then. Sweet dreams babe! May your life progress and blossom into something that you can live with and cherish.