Well, it's been almost a week since I have seen my beloved. Tomorrow it will be a week. What has happened since then? I have sent a few emails to her in regards to how I have been feeling. Here's one: Hey! I've been thinking a lot over the past
few days. As you know I'm going to see a psychiatrist/therapist this
week. I'm doing this because I need someone neutral to talk to and get an
unbiased opinion of the situation I am in. I'm dealing with a dilemma
that I have no idea how to deal with. I have two very different scenarios,
which are conflicting me. One is reality and the other is fantasy.
I'm caught between the two worlds and one is outweighing the other.
Fantasy has got so much of a hold on me that I'm afraid reality is going
to sneak up on me and kick me in the ass so hard and so fast that It's going to
drown me. I have dreams. Dreams of wonderful things. All of these
dreams revolve around and are based upon you. Is what and how I'm feeling
for you natural? I don't know. I know that it feels natural and
it's something that I sincerely and whole-heartedly believe in. But, I need a reality check. I have done all I can do to step back and think about what I'm doing and always come to the conclusion that you are what I need to focus on, and I have been. Maybe a little too much focus. I don't want to not focus on you and have you slip away. Then again I don't want to focus on you too much and push you away. I'm at a crossroad and need some direction from an innocent bystander who knows nothing of our relationship. I hope I'm not scaring you away by sending you this. I'm just letting my inner struggles be known to you. I hope you understand how much you really do mean to me.

I hope to chat with you later today!

Strugglingly yours,

Brian

What has been happening since then? Well, she seems to be ignoring me. How so? She is no longer online as much as she once was. We have migrated to Yahoo chat instead of Facebook. She seems invisible whenever she is chatting with me. She was on Facebook last night and as soon as I logged on she logged off. Coincidence? Maybe. Hopefully. I sent her a card with two giftcards inside. One for iTunes for 15 bucks and another for 25 bucks for Red Lobster. Here was her response: I can't find it now but basically here is what was said. She got my card and the giftcards. She thanked me and told me not to spend any more money on her but to spend it on my lawyer. She is looking for a new therapist since she has moved to a new location. That was about it.

Speaking of ignoring, she was on Facebook earlier and sent me the message I just spoke of. She must be in stealth mode because she "liked" a comment of someones. Does it piss me off? To a point. BUT, maybe she just needs time away from me. Time to think. She's still not over her ex-boyfriend of four years. Maybe she does need some time without me interfering and telling her how much I want her. I do want her. More than I've ever wanted anything else in my life!!!

I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow. I need an unbiased opinion of my love for this woman. I'll keep you posted! That's it for now till I have more to say! Stay tuned!